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Other episodes found here.
This set has warning for gender materia and side effects of said materia.
Title: Runaway
Author: GW Katrina aka![[insanejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/ij-userinfo.gif)
icedark_elf
Fandom: FFVII
Claim: Zack Fair
Prompt: 44-Runaway for![[insanejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/ij-community.gif)
50episodes
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 513
When Zack had been ordered to the lab, Sephiroth had not really been worried. They were SOLDIERs, and all SOLDIERs spent far too much of their time in the labs. Hojo seemed to enjoy examining them, always trying out some sort of test to make them better.
Didn’t mean he liked it, though, and he was sure to listen for news from Zack. He doubted much that his friend would come back to the office, but he did expect a phone call when the other had been released to go back to his apartment.
So it was something of a surprise when he hadn’t heard from Zack, at all, when the gossip drifted his way that a SOLDIER had gone nuts in the lab.
It couldn’t have been Zack, no, but now Sephiroth was…curious about why he had not heard from the other. Not worried. Zack was strong enough that Sephiroth didn’t have to worry over him. That was why he let Zack as close as he had.
That thought, though, vanished the moment he stepped into Zack’s apartment. The man had given him a key months ago, but this was the first time he had come in without Zack being right there beside him.
“Zack?”
Silence for a moment, then a strange…giggle? came from Zack’s bedroom.
Sephiroth -liked- Zack’s bedroom. Interesting things happened there. Things he liked. So there didn’t need to be any strange sounds coming from it. Sounds that were rather Zack like, if Zack was capable of something that high-pitched.
Moving for the room, wary, just in case, Sephiroth tried again. “Zack?”
Another of the half-giggles, and he frowned. That was Zack, even if the tone was wrong. And the laugh itself. Zack didn’t laugh like that at all. It reminded him of people who had gone wild in Wutai, usually killing allies and enemies alike. Definitely not a Zack laugh.
What had Hojo done to the man?
“Seph?”
The word was weak and rough. Zack sounded more than a little panicked as well.
That wasn’t to be allowed. Sephiroth moved, and then, just as quickly, stopped.
Zack was huddled in one corner of the room, curled up in a blanket as he almost hid in the darkness. Still, Sephiroth didn’t need light to see, and he blinked, noticing something…off about Zack.
“Seph, I’m gonna murder Hojo.”
The voice was all wrong, and now that he noticed that, so was the scent. Zack had always smelled a lot like him. Now…there was something different in that. Something about Zack’s features was also strange.
“Hojo hurt you. How.”
That was easy enough to figure out. Zack wasn’t violent to people unless they deserved it.
Letting the blanket slide, Zack looked up at Sephiroth with slightly wild eyes.
Sephiroth stared for a moment.
“Zack, you have breasts.”
Another not fully sane laugh. “Yeah, Seph, I noticed.”
The strain in his…her…Zack’s voice was clear. “How?”
“Hojo. And materia.”
A sharp nod. “I will return,” Sephiroth said, turning and stalking out of the room.
He and Hojo needed to have a talk.
Title: Angry
Author: GW Katrina akaicedark_elf
Fandom: FFVII
Claim: Zack Fair
Prompt: 03-Angry for50episodes
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 259
Sitting calmly next on the bed, Sephiroth watched as Zack continued to stalk about the room. He hadn’t meant to, but had long ago tuned out her…his…Zack’s actual words.
He hadn’t meant to, but Zack was ranting. The novelty of the act proved to be a good focus, but he could only listen to the other man go on about how he was going to kill Hojo for a half hour or so. After that, Sephiroth had simply pasted on the “yes, I’m listening, continue” look he used for meetings.
It was a point of how distracted Zack was when the other hadn’t even noticed. Instead, Zack continued to stalk around the room, threatening to tie Hojo’s ears around parts they would never come close to reaching.
Not that Sephiroth could blame the man. Hojo -had- used some sort of experimental material on him, and caused a gender change. Without permission. Of any sort.
From the sound of it, Zack hadn’t been the only one to be exposed. So if his friend wanted to really shove Hojo’s knees down his own throat, then he had better be the first to catch him when Hojo came back to Midgar.
And Sephiroth really did want to listen to the man’s threats. They were starting to get more imaginative, but….
Zack was bouncing. In all sorts of places.
And Sephiroth was pretty sure he had never seen Zack’s hips move like that.
Zack really was nice to look at when he was angry. Even if he was a girl at the moment.
Title: Exhausted
Author: GW Katrina akaicedark_elf
Fandom: FFVII
Claim: Zack Fair
Prompt: 19-Exhausted for50episodes
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 308
Zack was tired. He was. It had been a long day. Drills, a class he had to help teach, practicing with some of the younger SOLDIERs, lunch in the mess hall, which was its own type of training given the mass of guys mostly in their teens and twenties. Then helping Seph for a while before the call to the labs.
The labs.
When he caught Hojo, he was going to murder the man.
Not before he got the materia back, though. He -needed- that material back.
Zack was not meant to have boobs. He was sure of it. They already hurt, and his hand did now from slugging Seph hard in the shoulder.
The man had been starting at Zack’s butt.
Not that the idea of Seph staring at his butt bothered Zack. Hells, they had finally just gotten to the point that they were sleeping together, and he encouraged Seph to look at his butt. It was a nice butt.
But, right now, it wasn’t really his butt.
None of this was really his. He was a guy, not some girl person. And it was distracting when he went to move, and his balance was all out of whack, and it didn’t help with those…things on his chest.
Zack liked boobs. He just appreciated them better when they were on girls. Where they belonged.
Flopping down on the bed next to Seph, who eyed him warily, Zack leaned on the man.
“I’m tired,” he said finally.
Strangely, that got the most worried look he had gotten so far from Seph.
He hated this situation.
Closing his eyes, Zack just leaned against Seph. They could plan on how they were going to find Hojo later. And preferably kill him. After Zack got changed back.
Right now, though, he just wanted to rest.
He didn’t like being tired.
Title: First Kiss
Author: GW Katrina akaicedark_elf
Fandom: FFVII
Claim: Zack Fair
Prompt: 17-First Kiss for50episodes
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 446
It had been over two weeks since Hojo had tossed experimental magic at several SOLDIERs, and Zack was adjusting.
Still didn’t mean he wasn’t going to kill Hojo, but at least he could move without feeling as if he was going to fall over.
Seph was still giving him funny looks at times, though. And that was frustrating.
It wasn’t like Seph was the only one. Now, when he walked down the halls, he was well aware of the doubletakes and whispers that followed. Most of the time, it was all ‘glad it wasn’t me’ type stuff. But, occasionally, Zack got to hear comments on how pretty he looked.
He didn’t want to look pretty. He was a guy. Just because he looked like a girl now didn’t mean he was one.
One guy had already learned that Zack was not some delicate little flower now. A grope during a spar had ended up with him put through a wall.
Zack liked that she was faster now. Not quite as strong in the upper body, but the ability to kick that hard was worth it. Plus, after that nice little situation, and the fact she had warned everyone else that the same fate awaited anyone else who thought they might be able to get a little grabby.
Though it was a bit irritating. He and Seph had finally started getting the fun parts of a relationship, and now this.
Other than the stare from the first day, Seph hadn’t shown any signs of interest.
Zack was starting to get very frustrated.
Sex was fun. And now he wasn’t getting any.
Fine, time to fix this.
Hunting Seph down was the easiest part of this. Then Zack had hesitated, looking at the man. Seph was working on papers of some type, though Zack knew his schedule was clear for the day really.
After a few minutes of quiet, Seph looked up.
“Yes?”
Hells, might as well do it.
Leaning over the desk, Zack snagged the collar of Seph’s coat and dragged him forward for a kiss.
Hmm, not so different on this end, really, though when Seph finally broke free of his surprise and kissed back, Zack realized the man’s hand felt larger on his shoulder.
It was a good kiss, and Zack was happy that he was getting a reaction from Seph at all. Okay, he could work with this.
When Seph finally pulled back, Zack gave him a small grin. “Finally decided to see what this form could do. Plus, I miss sex.” He gave the man a bright grin. “So, want to help me find out?”
The answer, he found, was most definitely yes.
Title: Embarrassed
Author: GW Katrina akaicedark_elf
Fandom: FFVII
Claim: Zack Fair
Prompt: 18-Embarrassed for50episodes
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 738
Impatiently, Zack paced around. He should have gone with Seph, but it was still a really embarrassing problem. He didn’t really know anything about being a girl, and after a few months, he had freaked out of the whole bleeding thing. Some of the others who had been changed had also done the same, but Zack was just too happy that he hadn’t been the only one changed.
Selfish, yes, but it was nice having others who understood why he was freaked out.
He was calmer about it now, yes, but…yeah, there were a lot of things about being female he didn’t like or didn’t get, and he would only be too happy when Hojo had been found. The man had dropped off the face of the planet, it seemed, and everyday, Zack thought up of a new torture he was going to inflict on the man.
Right now, though, Seph was off asking his secretary something for Zack.
The last week or so, he had been getting sick every evening. It was starting to worry him, and neither of them really had any idea of what it might be. So, given that was one of the only women Sephiroth trusted, his lover had gone to ask her if it was a girl thing.
Being a girl sucked. Especially the bleeding. The bleeding -really- sucked. In Zack’s mind, every woman should be given some type of reward for not slaughtering every man on the planet for the simple fact that guys didn’t have to go through that.
The door clicked open, and Zack paused, looking at it. When Seph slide in, he paused. The man looked confused.
“So, what did she say?” he asked, really wanting to know so they could stop it.
Seph carefully shut the door, and then looked at Zack. “I’m…not sure if you will care to hear this.”
That didn’t sound good. “That sounds disturbing, Seph. What knew reason do I have to kill Hojo this time?”
A slow fidget. Definitely not good. Seph didn’t fidget unless he was really, really uncomfortable. “Seph, you’re making me worry here.”
Green eyes met his, and Seph gave a helpless gesture. “She says you are pregnant.”
Zack just blinked. “No, really, what was it she said?”
“She says you were pregnant, and that being sick was morning sickness.”
“But I’m not getting sick in the mornings.”
Seph just gave him a look. “I am aware of that. When I told her such, she said that it comes during a set time during the day, not just in the mornings.” He held a bag out to Zack. “Then she made me go buy this. The clerk kept giving me odd looks.”
Taking the back, Zack looked inside, and went pale. “A pregnancy test? But I’m a guy, Seph. I’m not supposed to get pregnant.”
The look the other man gave him made him twitch. “Zack, you have all the parts of a girl. Which has been limiting our options lately.”
Zack growled at him, hand gripping the box tightening a bit. “Fine. I’m going to do this, we’ll see that I’m -not- pregnant, and then we can go ask your secretary what she really thinks it might be.”
Opening the box, he quickly read the directions, then turned and stalked off towards the bathroom. Great, more embarrassing stuff. How did girls stand it? Why had they not killed all men yet?
Not wanting to, but wanting to prove that it just wasn’t possible, Zack followed the directions of the test, then, growling, stalked back out to Seph. “Now we have to wait.”
It was not the most comfortable silence as they waited, and then the thing started to show markings. Picking it up, Zack looked at it, and then glared at Seph. “Two lines. Negative, right?”
Collecting the instructions, Sephiroth looked at them, then slowly looked at Zack. He shook his head. “According to this, two lines mean positive. Or….” He looked at the paper again, reading from it. “Congratulations, you are expecting your own bundle of joy.” He looked at Zack again, and Zack saw the confusion on his face. “Why are children considered bundles of joy?”
A very Seph question. Unfortunately, he was going to have to wait a moment, Zack thought fuzzily as everything went grey. Seemed like he was going to pass out now.
He felt Seph grab him even as everything faded away.
This set has warning for gender materia and side effects of said materia.
Title: Runaway
Author: GW Katrina aka
icedark_elfFandom: FFVII
Claim: Zack Fair
Prompt: 44-Runaway for
50episodesRating: PG
Wordcount: 513
When Zack had been ordered to the lab, Sephiroth had not really been worried. They were SOLDIERs, and all SOLDIERs spent far too much of their time in the labs. Hojo seemed to enjoy examining them, always trying out some sort of test to make them better.
Didn’t mean he liked it, though, and he was sure to listen for news from Zack. He doubted much that his friend would come back to the office, but he did expect a phone call when the other had been released to go back to his apartment.
So it was something of a surprise when he hadn’t heard from Zack, at all, when the gossip drifted his way that a SOLDIER had gone nuts in the lab.
It couldn’t have been Zack, no, but now Sephiroth was…curious about why he had not heard from the other. Not worried. Zack was strong enough that Sephiroth didn’t have to worry over him. That was why he let Zack as close as he had.
That thought, though, vanished the moment he stepped into Zack’s apartment. The man had given him a key months ago, but this was the first time he had come in without Zack being right there beside him.
“Zack?”
Silence for a moment, then a strange…giggle? came from Zack’s bedroom.
Sephiroth -liked- Zack’s bedroom. Interesting things happened there. Things he liked. So there didn’t need to be any strange sounds coming from it. Sounds that were rather Zack like, if Zack was capable of something that high-pitched.
Moving for the room, wary, just in case, Sephiroth tried again. “Zack?”
Another of the half-giggles, and he frowned. That was Zack, even if the tone was wrong. And the laugh itself. Zack didn’t laugh like that at all. It reminded him of people who had gone wild in Wutai, usually killing allies and enemies alike. Definitely not a Zack laugh.
What had Hojo done to the man?
“Seph?”
The word was weak and rough. Zack sounded more than a little panicked as well.
That wasn’t to be allowed. Sephiroth moved, and then, just as quickly, stopped.
Zack was huddled in one corner of the room, curled up in a blanket as he almost hid in the darkness. Still, Sephiroth didn’t need light to see, and he blinked, noticing something…off about Zack.
“Seph, I’m gonna murder Hojo.”
The voice was all wrong, and now that he noticed that, so was the scent. Zack had always smelled a lot like him. Now…there was something different in that. Something about Zack’s features was also strange.
“Hojo hurt you. How.”
That was easy enough to figure out. Zack wasn’t violent to people unless they deserved it.
Letting the blanket slide, Zack looked up at Sephiroth with slightly wild eyes.
Sephiroth stared for a moment.
“Zack, you have breasts.”
Another not fully sane laugh. “Yeah, Seph, I noticed.”
The strain in his…her…Zack’s voice was clear. “How?”
“Hojo. And materia.”
A sharp nod. “I will return,” Sephiroth said, turning and stalking out of the room.
He and Hojo needed to have a talk.
Title: Angry
Author: GW Katrina aka
icedark_elfFandom: FFVII
Claim: Zack Fair
Prompt: 03-Angry for
50episodesRating: PG
Wordcount: 259
Sitting calmly next on the bed, Sephiroth watched as Zack continued to stalk about the room. He hadn’t meant to, but had long ago tuned out her…his…Zack’s actual words.
He hadn’t meant to, but Zack was ranting. The novelty of the act proved to be a good focus, but he could only listen to the other man go on about how he was going to kill Hojo for a half hour or so. After that, Sephiroth had simply pasted on the “yes, I’m listening, continue” look he used for meetings.
It was a point of how distracted Zack was when the other hadn’t even noticed. Instead, Zack continued to stalk around the room, threatening to tie Hojo’s ears around parts they would never come close to reaching.
Not that Sephiroth could blame the man. Hojo -had- used some sort of experimental material on him, and caused a gender change. Without permission. Of any sort.
From the sound of it, Zack hadn’t been the only one to be exposed. So if his friend wanted to really shove Hojo’s knees down his own throat, then he had better be the first to catch him when Hojo came back to Midgar.
And Sephiroth really did want to listen to the man’s threats. They were starting to get more imaginative, but….
Zack was bouncing. In all sorts of places.
And Sephiroth was pretty sure he had never seen Zack’s hips move like that.
Zack really was nice to look at when he was angry. Even if he was a girl at the moment.
Title: Exhausted
Author: GW Katrina aka
icedark_elfFandom: FFVII
Claim: Zack Fair
Prompt: 19-Exhausted for
50episodesRating: PG
Wordcount: 308
Zack was tired. He was. It had been a long day. Drills, a class he had to help teach, practicing with some of the younger SOLDIERs, lunch in the mess hall, which was its own type of training given the mass of guys mostly in their teens and twenties. Then helping Seph for a while before the call to the labs.
The labs.
When he caught Hojo, he was going to murder the man.
Not before he got the materia back, though. He -needed- that material back.
Zack was not meant to have boobs. He was sure of it. They already hurt, and his hand did now from slugging Seph hard in the shoulder.
The man had been starting at Zack’s butt.
Not that the idea of Seph staring at his butt bothered Zack. Hells, they had finally just gotten to the point that they were sleeping together, and he encouraged Seph to look at his butt. It was a nice butt.
But, right now, it wasn’t really his butt.
None of this was really his. He was a guy, not some girl person. And it was distracting when he went to move, and his balance was all out of whack, and it didn’t help with those…things on his chest.
Zack liked boobs. He just appreciated them better when they were on girls. Where they belonged.
Flopping down on the bed next to Seph, who eyed him warily, Zack leaned on the man.
“I’m tired,” he said finally.
Strangely, that got the most worried look he had gotten so far from Seph.
He hated this situation.
Closing his eyes, Zack just leaned against Seph. They could plan on how they were going to find Hojo later. And preferably kill him. After Zack got changed back.
Right now, though, he just wanted to rest.
He didn’t like being tired.
Title: First Kiss
Author: GW Katrina aka
icedark_elfFandom: FFVII
Claim: Zack Fair
Prompt: 17-First Kiss for
50episodesRating: PG
Wordcount: 446
It had been over two weeks since Hojo had tossed experimental magic at several SOLDIERs, and Zack was adjusting.
Still didn’t mean he wasn’t going to kill Hojo, but at least he could move without feeling as if he was going to fall over.
Seph was still giving him funny looks at times, though. And that was frustrating.
It wasn’t like Seph was the only one. Now, when he walked down the halls, he was well aware of the doubletakes and whispers that followed. Most of the time, it was all ‘glad it wasn’t me’ type stuff. But, occasionally, Zack got to hear comments on how pretty he looked.
He didn’t want to look pretty. He was a guy. Just because he looked like a girl now didn’t mean he was one.
One guy had already learned that Zack was not some delicate little flower now. A grope during a spar had ended up with him put through a wall.
Zack liked that she was faster now. Not quite as strong in the upper body, but the ability to kick that hard was worth it. Plus, after that nice little situation, and the fact she had warned everyone else that the same fate awaited anyone else who thought they might be able to get a little grabby.
Though it was a bit irritating. He and Seph had finally started getting the fun parts of a relationship, and now this.
Other than the stare from the first day, Seph hadn’t shown any signs of interest.
Zack was starting to get very frustrated.
Sex was fun. And now he wasn’t getting any.
Fine, time to fix this.
Hunting Seph down was the easiest part of this. Then Zack had hesitated, looking at the man. Seph was working on papers of some type, though Zack knew his schedule was clear for the day really.
After a few minutes of quiet, Seph looked up.
“Yes?”
Hells, might as well do it.
Leaning over the desk, Zack snagged the collar of Seph’s coat and dragged him forward for a kiss.
Hmm, not so different on this end, really, though when Seph finally broke free of his surprise and kissed back, Zack realized the man’s hand felt larger on his shoulder.
It was a good kiss, and Zack was happy that he was getting a reaction from Seph at all. Okay, he could work with this.
When Seph finally pulled back, Zack gave him a small grin. “Finally decided to see what this form could do. Plus, I miss sex.” He gave the man a bright grin. “So, want to help me find out?”
The answer, he found, was most definitely yes.
Title: Embarrassed
Author: GW Katrina aka
icedark_elfFandom: FFVII
Claim: Zack Fair
Prompt: 18-Embarrassed for
50episodesRating: PG
Wordcount: 738
Impatiently, Zack paced around. He should have gone with Seph, but it was still a really embarrassing problem. He didn’t really know anything about being a girl, and after a few months, he had freaked out of the whole bleeding thing. Some of the others who had been changed had also done the same, but Zack was just too happy that he hadn’t been the only one changed.
Selfish, yes, but it was nice having others who understood why he was freaked out.
He was calmer about it now, yes, but…yeah, there were a lot of things about being female he didn’t like or didn’t get, and he would only be too happy when Hojo had been found. The man had dropped off the face of the planet, it seemed, and everyday, Zack thought up of a new torture he was going to inflict on the man.
Right now, though, Seph was off asking his secretary something for Zack.
The last week or so, he had been getting sick every evening. It was starting to worry him, and neither of them really had any idea of what it might be. So, given that was one of the only women Sephiroth trusted, his lover had gone to ask her if it was a girl thing.
Being a girl sucked. Especially the bleeding. The bleeding -really- sucked. In Zack’s mind, every woman should be given some type of reward for not slaughtering every man on the planet for the simple fact that guys didn’t have to go through that.
The door clicked open, and Zack paused, looking at it. When Seph slide in, he paused. The man looked confused.
“So, what did she say?” he asked, really wanting to know so they could stop it.
Seph carefully shut the door, and then looked at Zack. “I’m…not sure if you will care to hear this.”
That didn’t sound good. “That sounds disturbing, Seph. What knew reason do I have to kill Hojo this time?”
A slow fidget. Definitely not good. Seph didn’t fidget unless he was really, really uncomfortable. “Seph, you’re making me worry here.”
Green eyes met his, and Seph gave a helpless gesture. “She says you are pregnant.”
Zack just blinked. “No, really, what was it she said?”
“She says you were pregnant, and that being sick was morning sickness.”
“But I’m not getting sick in the mornings.”
Seph just gave him a look. “I am aware of that. When I told her such, she said that it comes during a set time during the day, not just in the mornings.” He held a bag out to Zack. “Then she made me go buy this. The clerk kept giving me odd looks.”
Taking the back, Zack looked inside, and went pale. “A pregnancy test? But I’m a guy, Seph. I’m not supposed to get pregnant.”
The look the other man gave him made him twitch. “Zack, you have all the parts of a girl. Which has been limiting our options lately.”
Zack growled at him, hand gripping the box tightening a bit. “Fine. I’m going to do this, we’ll see that I’m -not- pregnant, and then we can go ask your secretary what she really thinks it might be.”
Opening the box, he quickly read the directions, then turned and stalked off towards the bathroom. Great, more embarrassing stuff. How did girls stand it? Why had they not killed all men yet?
Not wanting to, but wanting to prove that it just wasn’t possible, Zack followed the directions of the test, then, growling, stalked back out to Seph. “Now we have to wait.”
It was not the most comfortable silence as they waited, and then the thing started to show markings. Picking it up, Zack looked at it, and then glared at Seph. “Two lines. Negative, right?”
Collecting the instructions, Sephiroth looked at them, then slowly looked at Zack. He shook his head. “According to this, two lines mean positive. Or….” He looked at the paper again, reading from it. “Congratulations, you are expecting your own bundle of joy.” He looked at Zack again, and Zack saw the confusion on his face. “Why are children considered bundles of joy?”
A very Seph question. Unfortunately, he was going to have to wait a moment, Zack thought fuzzily as everything went grey. Seemed like he was going to pass out now.
He felt Seph grab him even as everything faded away.
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Seph is Seph. It just never dawns on him.
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Genius?
Z-zack!
Aeris will squee. And give Sephiroth a lecture about protection. Probably.
Seph as a dad. Boggles the mind.
In a good way.
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Poor Zack. He really doesn't like this.
I'm not sure if Zack knows Aeris yet, though I'm sure he will be by the end of this story.
It's rather funny. -Seph- is having a hard time connecting "Zack with spawn" to "I'm a parent"
It's going to boggle his brain when it does connect.
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*snerks* Yes, why haven't we...?
Who else was shifted? Cloud's just a lowly grunt, but for some reason I get the idea that he was one of the "victims." *kicks bunnies and runs*
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*pats him* Go, bunnies! Chew on her ankles!
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I'm having fun with this, actually. Zack turning himself into a girl is one thing. Having someone else do it -to- him is totally different.
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~
When the General sidled up to her with a particularly uncertain look on his face (she'd learned to recognise his uncertain looks - generally they involved his entire face going still except for a touch of wildness around the eyes) Nesa Conway knew she was in for an awkward question. Of course, since Zack and a bunch of the other SOLDIERs had been hit with what everyone was calling "genderswitch" materia during Hojo's last batch of experiments, she'd been hit with any number of awkward questions from all directions. Job requirements didn't get much weirder than doing tampon and sanitary pad shopping for a group of men in female bodies, all of whom declared they didn't know what to buy, and would be embarassed by buying it anyway.
"Yes?" she said, deciding to get it over with.
"Is there any female-specific ailment which would result in a person vomiting on a daily basis for over a week?" Sephiroth asked.
Nesa blinked. "Vomiting is usually due to something like a stomach flu, or food poisoning," she said, trying to think of any alternative reasons. "Is it after every meal?"
"I doubt it is an infection or poison," Sephiroth replied. "It seems to be just in the evenings."
"Hmmm..." Nesa considered the possibilities. "Well, there's bulimia. Has Zack expressed any concern about being too fat or anything like that?"
Sephiroth now looked bewildered (blank face, helpless look in the eyes), and shook his head. "Not in my hearing," he said.
"Well, about the only other option I can think of is morning sickness," Nesa said.
"Morning sickness?"
"It's a symptom of pregnancy. I think it's the hormones that cause it or something like that," she said. Pregnancy not being one of her personal worries, it hadn't been something she really knew much about, aside from the popular folk wisdom.
"But Zack isn't sick in the mornings," Sephiroth said. "It only happens in the evenings."
"It doesn't necessarily happen in the mornings," Nesa replied. "I know that much. My mother used to get morning sickness hitting around two in the afternoon when she was pregnant with my younger three brothers. If you've been having sex without any birth control -" she broke off, and looked at her boss. He was looking even more confused than before. "You don't know what birth control is, do you?" she asked.
She didn't need the headshake Sephiroth gave to know the man was completely innocent of the notion. Drat Hojo and his tom-fool notions of scientific ethics, anyway.
"I think Zack may be pregnant," she said. "You'd best head down to a pharmacy and get a test kit."
"I beg your pardon?"
Nesa drew a deep breath, trying to settle herself down. "There are little kits available at pharmacies for purchase, so women who suspect they are pregnant can find out whether or not this is true. Give me a few minutes, and I'll call around and get a few brand names for you." She looked up at her employer. He still looked completely kerflummoxed, and the well-hidden maternal streak in Nesa's soul kicked at her conscience. "Don't worry - I'll let the girls in the secretarial pool think it's for me," she said. "You just go in and check the reports on your desk - I've a suspicion General Heidegger is trying to get your men to run guard operations for him again."
Nesa waited until the door was closed before collapsing in silent laughter. Oh gods, Zack was pregnant. To think she'd thought his performance over menstrual cramps was a classic... wait until he found out about labour pains. Grinning hugely, she started to phone around.
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That evil secretary, laughing at Zack. Poor woman deserves it, though. Having to deal with those guys turn female.
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By that time, Nesa will have faked a "miscarriage" and won't be pregnant any more - she may actually time it so her "miscarriage" happens just about the time Zack's pregnancy starts to show, winning him another week or two of relief from the gossip network. Unfortunately, after that, he's on his own.
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He's so grumpy about being pregnant. Completely and totally. *nods* He'll probably hide behind her.