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I don't know where this came from. I thought I had gotten the angst out of my system, but I guess not. Had a really good day, too. Got to see Lust!Roy pic my friend did, one that had me drooling. Had an amusing scene planned out for the muses to do, and a scene from Hidden Costs to write.
Then I had some really nasty people come through my line. My bad attitude combined with a fic that Lust is co-writing, and this is the result. I blame both Lust and annoying customers. I like Lust's contribution much more than the customers.
Regret
It had been two months. Two months since he and Ed had fought. Two months since he had said things he had regretted instantly, but not quick enough to take them back. Two months since Ed and Al had vanished, leaving behind a silver watch and everything they couldn’t carry.
Roy felt like shit. He hadn’t slept, not really, since the call came in that the pair was gone. He would have stayed late at the office, but that left him at the mercy of the others looks. He didn’t know what had possessed him to have that fight with Ed, or what had made the fight build to the levels it had. And he really hadn’t meant to shout about what Ed would have rather kept secret.
So he went home at the normal time, to his empty house, with all its reminders of the pair that had moved in. Al, for such a large being, left very little trace of his presence, while Ed left bits of himself everywhere. Books, clothes, notebooks, little things that Roy never really noticed except to complain about them being everywhere. Now they were left alone, almost as if he hoped they would call their owner back.
Lost in his thoughts, Roy almost didn’t hear the rasp of the door opening, or the familiar sound of boots hitting the floor. In fact, he didn’t really notice anything until hands landed on his shoulders, and by then it was too late. There was the crackle of a reaction, and his shirt tightened against him and bonded with the chair.
Trying to pull free, Roy froze as the person who had snuck up behind him moved into view. Golden eyes looked down at him, and the Flame Alchemist felt the first twinge of fear. That was more startling than anything, because Roy never feared Ed. The younger man had been too good, too unlikely to ever hurt Roy.
Now there was something new in his eyes. Something feral, and made the animal part of Roy’s brain twitch. Those eyes were the eyes of a hungry predator.
“Hello, Roy,” purred Ed, hand reaching out to trace Roy’s cheek. The glove he wore was rough against the skin, but Roy kept himself still.
“I see you finally found your courage, Fullmetal,” he said, anger rising. How dare Ed take off like that? Even if they had fought like children, it didn’t give the blond a reason to go. No matter how much it had bothered him for Ed to be gone, Roy was mad at the same time.
Ed smirked down at him, left hand pulling the glove off his right. “You can’t call me that. Not any more.” There was more than a little pride on his face as he slapped Roy hard with a right hand made of flesh and blood.
Stunned, feeling blood trickle down his chin from a split lip, Roy tugged again against the cloth binding him. “What the hell?!” he spat out, feeling worry and anger fight each other. This was not something Ed did, ever.
Ed smirked, and the lower part of Roy’s brain twitched again. Something was horribly, horribly wrong. Roy slowly began to realize what that light in Ed’s eyes really was, but he couldn’t accept it.
Straddling Roy’s lap, Ed leaned forward and kissed him. When Roy tried to jerk back, his hair was caught up in a tight fist, and his head held still. Ed pulled back slightly, his eyes locked with Roy’s.
“What’s wrong? Don’t want a whore kissing you?”
“You’re not a whore, Edward. Stop acting like this.” Shit, shit, shit. Roy had regretted those words before, but nothing like he regretted them now. Ed had obviously taken them to heart, more so than he had meant them. Shit.
Eyes closed, a bitter smile crossed the blond’s face. “Not a whore?” A harsh laugh. “Not a whore. You say I’m not a whore after practically screaming it for everyone to hear.” More laughter, bitter and more than a little hysterical.
When it finally died, Ed opened his eyes again. “Why did you say it, Roy? Why did you do that to him?”
Him? “Ed, where’s Al?” Not what he wanted to ask, but Roy hoped that the mention of his little brother would snap Ed out of whatever was wrong with him.
“Al? Al’s right here,” purred the younger man. Twisting around, he lifted away the heavy braid of hair, and Roy felt himself go cold.
On the back of the neck, in the same place it had been on the armor, was the bloodseal.
“It’s permanent, now. Not going to wash off, not this one.” Ed/Al turned back around, settling himself on Roy’s lap. “You killed him, you know.”
“What?” Too much was swirling though Roy’s mind. If this was Al, then where was Ed? Ed couldn’t be dead, it wasn’t possible.
Another slap drew his attention. “Don’t ignore me, Roy. You’re the reason I’m like this, in the body that belongs to my brother.” Now Roy knew what that light in Ed’s… Al’s eyes was.
Madness.
“He didn’t even tell me what he was going to do. I followed him, like always. I followed him because he wouldn’t let me help him. He was in tears after he came back, you know.” Al absently traced one finger in the blood that ran down Roy’s chin. “You hurt him so bad, calling him that. If we weren’t looking for the Stone, the only thing he did was what you wanted.” Mad eyes looked at Roy. “I hated you for that. Hated you and loved you.”
Al’s voice grew muffled as he laid his head on Roy’s shoulder. The older man shifted as much as he could, uncomfortable with the situation. He looked around, hoping to find anything that he could use to get free. He wasn’t expecting the teeth to sink into his shoulder, though, and couldn’t restrain the yelp that resulted.
“You made him happy. You gave him something to live for besides fixing me.” Another bitter laugh. “You also killed him. I could feel what he had felt. At least for a few days. He hated that assignment, hated it with everything he had. And then you threw it in his face, loud enough that everyone else could hear. Do you know what the first thing he saw was? Everyone’s eyes. Everyone was just staring at him, and he could see that they had heard you.”
Roy felt cold settle in his stomach. Everyone had heard him. After Ed had bolted, Hawkeye had stalked in and gave him a lecture in the coldest voice he had ever heard her use.
“Al, I’m sorry. We were fighting, but I shouldn’t have said what I did.”
“Shouldn’t have said? Oh, Roy-san, you should never have even thought it, let along say it. My brother was never a whore. He only did what he had to.”
White hot pain tore through Roy’s stomach, and his world went bright for a second. Blinking away tears, Roy felt Al rise. Once he could see again, he looked down. He stared stupidly at the blade handle that protruded from his stomach.
“That’s from Niisan’s automail. He gave up everything he was to give me back a good body, one with all the limbs intact. He didn’t think he had any reason to live other than to give me back a body.” Tears were streaming down Al’s face, and Roy wanted to say something, anything. But pain had stolen his voice.
“My brother was an obsessive, Roy, you knew that. I know you knew it. And then you took away part of what kept him stable.” A slim hand reached down and tore the blade to the side and out. Roy found his voice and let out a cry as a rush of blood poured onto his lap.
“Al, Ed wouldn’t have….” Roy gasped for air. “Wouldn’t have wanted this….”
Al snarled. “I didn’t want this,” he gestured to his body. “I wanted Niisan to be happy and whole, and I wanted my body back. I didn’t even know until the array lit up around us. I didn’t even get to say goodbye.” The blade, sticky with Roy’s blood, rose up.
For a moment, Roy expected to be struck by the metal again. But Al took the sharp edge and placed it against the base of his braid. “But I can avenge him,” he said softly, before jerking the blade up. Ed’s braid came loose in his hand. It was bright in Roy’s fading sight.
“I thought you would take care of Niisan if something happened to me, Roy,” Al said. Roy barely heard it though the ringing in his ears. “And you did take care of him. He’s dead.”
Vision almost gone, Roy felt the soft brush of familiar lips against his cheek. They were almost burning hot against his skin. “Say hello to Niisan for me. Tell him that I love him.”
Roy took that into the darkness.
Purge, angst, purge. Get out of my system before I write Hidden Costs.
Then I had some really nasty people come through my line. My bad attitude combined with a fic that Lust is co-writing, and this is the result. I blame both Lust and annoying customers. I like Lust's contribution much more than the customers.
Regret
It had been two months. Two months since he and Ed had fought. Two months since he had said things he had regretted instantly, but not quick enough to take them back. Two months since Ed and Al had vanished, leaving behind a silver watch and everything they couldn’t carry.
Roy felt like shit. He hadn’t slept, not really, since the call came in that the pair was gone. He would have stayed late at the office, but that left him at the mercy of the others looks. He didn’t know what had possessed him to have that fight with Ed, or what had made the fight build to the levels it had. And he really hadn’t meant to shout about what Ed would have rather kept secret.
So he went home at the normal time, to his empty house, with all its reminders of the pair that had moved in. Al, for such a large being, left very little trace of his presence, while Ed left bits of himself everywhere. Books, clothes, notebooks, little things that Roy never really noticed except to complain about them being everywhere. Now they were left alone, almost as if he hoped they would call their owner back.
Lost in his thoughts, Roy almost didn’t hear the rasp of the door opening, or the familiar sound of boots hitting the floor. In fact, he didn’t really notice anything until hands landed on his shoulders, and by then it was too late. There was the crackle of a reaction, and his shirt tightened against him and bonded with the chair.
Trying to pull free, Roy froze as the person who had snuck up behind him moved into view. Golden eyes looked down at him, and the Flame Alchemist felt the first twinge of fear. That was more startling than anything, because Roy never feared Ed. The younger man had been too good, too unlikely to ever hurt Roy.
Now there was something new in his eyes. Something feral, and made the animal part of Roy’s brain twitch. Those eyes were the eyes of a hungry predator.
“Hello, Roy,” purred Ed, hand reaching out to trace Roy’s cheek. The glove he wore was rough against the skin, but Roy kept himself still.
“I see you finally found your courage, Fullmetal,” he said, anger rising. How dare Ed take off like that? Even if they had fought like children, it didn’t give the blond a reason to go. No matter how much it had bothered him for Ed to be gone, Roy was mad at the same time.
Ed smirked down at him, left hand pulling the glove off his right. “You can’t call me that. Not any more.” There was more than a little pride on his face as he slapped Roy hard with a right hand made of flesh and blood.
Stunned, feeling blood trickle down his chin from a split lip, Roy tugged again against the cloth binding him. “What the hell?!” he spat out, feeling worry and anger fight each other. This was not something Ed did, ever.
Ed smirked, and the lower part of Roy’s brain twitched again. Something was horribly, horribly wrong. Roy slowly began to realize what that light in Ed’s eyes really was, but he couldn’t accept it.
Straddling Roy’s lap, Ed leaned forward and kissed him. When Roy tried to jerk back, his hair was caught up in a tight fist, and his head held still. Ed pulled back slightly, his eyes locked with Roy’s.
“What’s wrong? Don’t want a whore kissing you?”
“You’re not a whore, Edward. Stop acting like this.” Shit, shit, shit. Roy had regretted those words before, but nothing like he regretted them now. Ed had obviously taken them to heart, more so than he had meant them. Shit.
Eyes closed, a bitter smile crossed the blond’s face. “Not a whore?” A harsh laugh. “Not a whore. You say I’m not a whore after practically screaming it for everyone to hear.” More laughter, bitter and more than a little hysterical.
When it finally died, Ed opened his eyes again. “Why did you say it, Roy? Why did you do that to him?”
Him? “Ed, where’s Al?” Not what he wanted to ask, but Roy hoped that the mention of his little brother would snap Ed out of whatever was wrong with him.
“Al? Al’s right here,” purred the younger man. Twisting around, he lifted away the heavy braid of hair, and Roy felt himself go cold.
On the back of the neck, in the same place it had been on the armor, was the bloodseal.
“It’s permanent, now. Not going to wash off, not this one.” Ed/Al turned back around, settling himself on Roy’s lap. “You killed him, you know.”
“What?” Too much was swirling though Roy’s mind. If this was Al, then where was Ed? Ed couldn’t be dead, it wasn’t possible.
Another slap drew his attention. “Don’t ignore me, Roy. You’re the reason I’m like this, in the body that belongs to my brother.” Now Roy knew what that light in Ed’s… Al’s eyes was.
Madness.
“He didn’t even tell me what he was going to do. I followed him, like always. I followed him because he wouldn’t let me help him. He was in tears after he came back, you know.” Al absently traced one finger in the blood that ran down Roy’s chin. “You hurt him so bad, calling him that. If we weren’t looking for the Stone, the only thing he did was what you wanted.” Mad eyes looked at Roy. “I hated you for that. Hated you and loved you.”
Al’s voice grew muffled as he laid his head on Roy’s shoulder. The older man shifted as much as he could, uncomfortable with the situation. He looked around, hoping to find anything that he could use to get free. He wasn’t expecting the teeth to sink into his shoulder, though, and couldn’t restrain the yelp that resulted.
“You made him happy. You gave him something to live for besides fixing me.” Another bitter laugh. “You also killed him. I could feel what he had felt. At least for a few days. He hated that assignment, hated it with everything he had. And then you threw it in his face, loud enough that everyone else could hear. Do you know what the first thing he saw was? Everyone’s eyes. Everyone was just staring at him, and he could see that they had heard you.”
Roy felt cold settle in his stomach. Everyone had heard him. After Ed had bolted, Hawkeye had stalked in and gave him a lecture in the coldest voice he had ever heard her use.
“Al, I’m sorry. We were fighting, but I shouldn’t have said what I did.”
“Shouldn’t have said? Oh, Roy-san, you should never have even thought it, let along say it. My brother was never a whore. He only did what he had to.”
White hot pain tore through Roy’s stomach, and his world went bright for a second. Blinking away tears, Roy felt Al rise. Once he could see again, he looked down. He stared stupidly at the blade handle that protruded from his stomach.
“That’s from Niisan’s automail. He gave up everything he was to give me back a good body, one with all the limbs intact. He didn’t think he had any reason to live other than to give me back a body.” Tears were streaming down Al’s face, and Roy wanted to say something, anything. But pain had stolen his voice.
“My brother was an obsessive, Roy, you knew that. I know you knew it. And then you took away part of what kept him stable.” A slim hand reached down and tore the blade to the side and out. Roy found his voice and let out a cry as a rush of blood poured onto his lap.
“Al, Ed wouldn’t have….” Roy gasped for air. “Wouldn’t have wanted this….”
Al snarled. “I didn’t want this,” he gestured to his body. “I wanted Niisan to be happy and whole, and I wanted my body back. I didn’t even know until the array lit up around us. I didn’t even get to say goodbye.” The blade, sticky with Roy’s blood, rose up.
For a moment, Roy expected to be struck by the metal again. But Al took the sharp edge and placed it against the base of his braid. “But I can avenge him,” he said softly, before jerking the blade up. Ed’s braid came loose in his hand. It was bright in Roy’s fading sight.
“I thought you would take care of Niisan if something happened to me, Roy,” Al said. Roy barely heard it though the ringing in his ears. “And you did take care of him. He’s dead.”
Vision almost gone, Roy felt the soft brush of familiar lips against his cheek. They were almost burning hot against his skin. “Say hello to Niisan for me. Tell him that I love him.”
Roy took that into the darkness.
Purge, angst, purge. Get out of my system before I write Hidden Costs.