(no subject)

[icedark_elf]

This is for mikkeneko and kaltia, as they commented on the last one. First part should look a bit familiar. How you guys enjoy this one.



Envy grinned as he balanced on the edge of the roof. “Wrath and I were having the most interesting conversation about you the other day, Fullmetal shrimp.”

“Like I care,” growled Ed, hands ready to clap at the slightest move of the homunculus.

“You should.” Envy’s grin morphed into a full blown smirk. “He was telling me what you gave up at the Gate. What you gave up for your little brother’s soul.”

Roy glanced at Ed, who had suddenly stiffened. From the creak of metal, he guessed that Al was also looking at his brother.

A short bark of laughter came from the not-human who bounced on his toes, coming close to falling. “What’s wrong? Haven’t told them? Don’t they know?”

“Shut up,” Ed snarled, hands coming together and his trademark arm blade being created.

“Niisan?” The confusion in Al’s voice made Ed wince, and he turn enough to glance at the armor that held his brother’s soul.

“Al…. I….”

“Tell them why you hate being called short, chibi-shrimp! Tell them why you hate being called a child!” The maliciousness was bright in Envy’s eyes. “Wrath wants what else you gave up, but he couldn’t take it. Something else did.”

Now he locked his insane, smirking gaze at Al. “You don’t think that a mere arm would bring back a soul, do you? That all it would take is a bit of flesh to regain what makes a stupid human a human, right? If you did, you must be more stupid than most of your kind.”

Ed turned back at Envy and quite literally hissed at him. “Don’t you talk to Al! You don’t have the right to say anything to him, let along mock him.”

Teeth bared, Envy returned Ed’s hiss. “What about you, can I mock you? How’s is feel, knowing you won’t live past twenty-five? And that’s if you’re lucky.”

Now Al took a step forward. Roy did as well, but then held back. He didn’t trust the homunculus, and he could hear movement behind him, most likely Hawkeye. No point in getting in her shot.

“Niisan, what’s he talking about?” The worry in Al’s voice made Roy ache, though he was just as curious as to what Envy was talking about.

“Nothing, Al. Just ignore him.”

“Ha! How about this, tin-can boy, how much does your brother eat? How about sleep? Let me guess, he does a lot of both. That’s because he’s not aging.”

Ed charged. Envy dodged, dancing along the edge with unnatural grace. As Ed slashed at him again, the homunculus managed to leap to the safety of a gargoyle decoration. “Oh, tell them. I want to see their faces when they find out.”

“I’m going to kill you,” was Ed’s response.

Envy pouted. “Fine, I’ll do it.” He smiled sweetly at Al. “Your ‘big’ brother isn’t going to get any bigger. He traded his life for you. Isn’t that sweet? He traded the ability to ever be an adult to pull your soul back from that darkness. And it’s killing him, bit by bit.”

Roy sensed there was at least some truth in Envy’s words. Ed wasn’t as small as he had been when Roy had first seen him, but the younger man hadn’t grown by much.

“Fullmetal?”

“Not the time, sir.” That last word had been said without mockery or being forced. That, Roy decided, was not a good thing.

“Niisan, explain.”

In Al’s tone was something Roy was very familiar with. Elric stubbornness. Nor was he the only one who heard it. Unfortunately, even though Ed could hear how stubborn Al was about to be, he could out-stubborn his little brother any day of the week.

“Heh,” laughed Envy. “This is my cue to leave.” Sharp teeth flashing brightly in the sun, the homunculus leapt from the gargoyle. Ed rushed to the side, peering over the edge. Cursing, he spun back around and began stalking towards the roof exit. He only paused for a moment when Al set an armored gantlet on his shoulder.

“What’s going on? Don’t hide things from me, please?”

The concern in Al’s voice, as well as the hurt, was clear even to Roy, and he didn’t spend almost every moment of the day with the younger Elric. It was very clear to him that Ed was affected by his brother’s voice. That made it a bit of a surprise when he shrugged Al’s hand away.

“I can’t. Not now. Al…. Just leave it for now. Please?”

The sheer weariness of Ed’s voice was something new to Roy, and by the way Al reacted, by letting his hand drop, it was new to him as well. They both watched, more than a little worried, as Ed walked away. The blond’s shoulders were slumped, and he walked as if he ached.

“Roy-san?”

“Yes, Alphonse?”

“Isn’t there anything you can do? I’ve never seen Niisan like this.”

Shaking his head, Roy looked up into the glow of Al’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t think there’s anything we can do except wait.”

///

Al slowly opened the door to the dorm room he and his brother shared. Ever since this mornings confrontation with Envy, Ed had been missing. Other than some vague recollections of earlier, nobody had actually seen him.

This was Al’s last hope.

And it failed.

The single lamp that rested between the beds was on, and it drew Al in. He hoped to see Ed sitting on the bed. At this point, that was his real concern. Even if Ed didn’t want to talk about what Envy had said, Al would be happy to just see his brother.

Ed wasn’t there. But there was a notebook sitting on Al’s bed.

Moving forward, Al picked up the rather battered-looking pad, wondering why it looked so familiar. It slowly dawned on him that it was one of Ed’s notebooks, the ones Winry had harassed him into writing in. She claimed it would help Ed’s writing, but Al was sure she did it so Ed would have some outlet for anything that made him unhappy.

There was a bookmark. Sitting down, Al carefully opened it.

I hate this journal. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Stupid journal. The only reason I write in it is because Winry will hit me with that wrench of hers if I don’t. So what if I need to learn to write left-handed. I think she just likes being bossy.

Right now she’s outside with Al. he wanted to go for a walk. I bet he went to see Tommy’s kittens. I know he’ll be afraid to touch them. I’ve seen him accidentally destroy enough silverware to understand how strong he is. Al knows it, too.

It’s wrong. It’s really, really wrong. Al shouldn’t have to be afraid to touch things. He should be able to pick up and pet those kittens, no worry if he’ll hurt them.

My fault.

He’s always trying to reassure me, but Al’s always been that way. He’ll never really blame me, not even if he dies, or fades away.

I can’t lose him. Not like that.

It hurt, bringing him back. I hadn’t realized how much was needed to bring a soul back and fix it to a body. But it was worth it. Every bit. Thank god Al doesn’t realize just how much it cost. I’d drown in the guilt.

Still, a good alchemist writes down his findings, so I’m going to say here what I can’t tell Al. Maybe it will keep anyone else from doing this.

Obvious first. My arm. Can’t hide that from anyone. It’s the reason I have this stupid book. My right arm was taken by the Gate in exchange for the ability to seal Al’s soul to the armor he wears.

For Al’s soul itself

It’s hard to say this, even in writing. It scares me, I think, to think about what I’ve done. Research is an alchemist’s friend, and I’ve already done some. In Father’s books, there are references to one or two similar situations, and none of them got past twenty-five. That worries me. That means I have to find someway to fix Al before then.

I can’t die without fixing the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Still haven’t wrote down what I gave up, did I? Not like it’s noticeable. Not yet, anyway. Maybe in a few years, someone will notice, but not right now.

They took away growing up.

I remember, vaguely, being asked what I was willing to give. What I would exchange for my brother. I told them the truth. Anything.

The same voice said I could have Al back, but it would cost me. That a life can’t be created from nothing. My life would be burning to save Al. That for every year he lived, some of mine I’d never live. Al would age and mature.

And I wouldn’t.

I agreed, of course. This is my brother, I’d give up anything to get him back. But now I understand just what they meant.

I’m not going to get any older. None of the other did. They looked as young as they day they had made whatever alchemic reaction that brought them to the Gate. It’s all there, in their own journals that Father somehow got. And there are other signs that I’ll need to watch for.

Little or not growth, body burning far too much energy so the life can be transferred. That leads to near constant eating and sleeping to create and conserve energy.

Granny Pinako already teases me about how much I eat. And I won’t be able to know for a few more years just how much my growth has been stilled.

I’m scared.

And my hand’s cramping.

If it cost this much for a soul, how much will I have to give to get my brother’s body back? I’ll pay it, but I hope that I get to say I’m sorry before I do.

Shutting the book, Al felt hollowed out, emotionally.

“Niisan,” he whispered.




Looky, it's got a title and everything, now.