Because Gluttony told me to

[icedark_elf]

I'm making this entry. All her fault, blame her. Especially if you like it, because editing this sucker's going to take a bit.


Back of the Book Summary for my NaNo project:

Roy Mustang. He knew that being the captain of his own mercenary company was a good way to live a life of excitement, profit, and adventure. And, as a rare Fire Alchemist, he was right. With his specially gathered company, he was soon a name that the rich sought out for their own private battles.

Edward and Alphonse Elric. Brothers found by Roy and given to the mercenary’s sister for training, they hold their past tight, refusing to give details of who they once where. They vanished and returned changed. Alphonse trapped in the form of a dragon, and Edward with the arm and leg of something that wasn’t human.

God-Queen Dante. The self-proclaimed God of her country, which she and the God-King have ruled for the last four hundred years. After years of silence from her, she has now declared war on her neighboring countries. She sends out her immortal bodyguards, the Homunculi, after the rulers and important figures of the lands around her.

Mustang’s Firebirds are hired, for they alone possess the mixed bag of talents needed to do what most consider impossible.

Assassinate the God-King and Queen.

Comments

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Assassinate the God King and Queen.

Needs hyphen?

[icedark-elf.livejournal.com]

Better?

*grins* But would you read it?

[kalikamaxwell.livejournal.com]

I would!

Mm, dragon!Al. XD;

[icedark-elf.livejournal.com]

*giggles* You can blame Cloud Age Symphony(sp?) for that. It's what I get for listening to that while brainstorming. It's such an strong visual in my head to have some type of flight scene to that.

[femmelethale.livejournal.com]

oooh. Cloud Age Symphony annnnd luverly Mustang mercenary bits.

"arm and leg of something that wasn't human" :shiver:

Hyphens be damned! Overrated little pieces of font dust. (Does read better, however, in that case ;) )

[icedark-elf.livejournal.com]

Well, after I rewrite it, and get it edited, I'll post it up. The last half is mostly gibberish, as I was insane at the time, and doing most of my writing in the middle of the night.

I love the mental image I have of Roy as a mercenary captain. It makes me happy.

[femmelethale.livejournal.com]

In speedwriting, editing becomes a major task.

I love the image of Roy as mercenary captain, too. Too hot for words. Just the words "Roy" and "mercenary" together in a sentence. Very good.

Once in my life, I wish I could see Alex Row and Roy Mustang in a (military and other) action scenario. Probably exists somewhere. Just think they'd have a lot *not* to talk about. (Then there is my secret SophiaxHawkeye second-in-command girlslash dream)

Al as a dragon... I am very excited. And just how "not human"?

Is Kimbley with them? (sorry, don't want to spoil your plot)

[icedark-elf.livejournal.com]

He wasn't in the original, but he'll most likely get written in. He's just too cool a bad guy to not add. Better than MechaArcher.

[femmelethale.livejournal.com]

Totally. I was just reflecting today on how silly the Mecha stuff in FMA is. MechaBasqueGran and MechaArcher are frightening but kinda lame. You can tell the production crew's heart wasn't really in teh Mecha. (somehow I keep thinking Mecha Streisand)

And Kimbely is already a mercenary alchemist...

wait... you're Greed... Greed is a mercenary... Now, in this work, Roy is a mercenary... Is this Greed!Mustang?

[icedark-elf.livejournal.com]

Greed's in it, I'll give you that much. *laughs* He's my favorite Sin, and he has a part in here that makes me happy.

And Kimbely is a backstabbing alchemist, the little rat bastard. *swats the Crimson Alchemist* Betrayed my Greed, will you?

Basque Gran acutally bothered me. MechaArcher made me go WTF?, and then ignore him. *muttering*stupidenemytogiveSenseishedeservedbetter.

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Okay, but seriously now. I can see the pattern you're trying to set up in this summary, stating first the name, then their little blurb, but I find it a little jarring. I'd suggest just combining the second sentance with the name.

Also, try to avoid passive voice. You want to make this blurb as dynamic as possible.

"Roy Mustang knew that captaining his own mercenary company was a good way to lead a life of excitement, profit, and adventure..."

And so on.

[icedark-elf.livejournal.com]

Aw, you broke the trend of just replying to the last reply.

I'm kinda unhappy with this setup myself. I thought up something decent earlier today, but I was so swamped by people that I couldn't write it down. And I hate the fact that I didn't, as it was ten times better than what I have up, and I can't get the wording back. *growls at self*

I can see what you're saying. Want to be a beta for the story itself? *grin*

Cloud Age Slashphony

[seanmonster.livejournal.com]

Well, it could have been worse. I mean, it could have spawned some Roy/Claus/Alex sla....

oh shit.

[hagane-no.livejournal.com]

I love how Izumi and Roy are siblings x3

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

THEY ARE TOTALLY SIBLINGS.

[wanderingwidget.livejournal.com]

Thou Shalt Post... right? Cause now that I've read this I am interested in it and I wannit! ::huggles summary:: oh, and not that I think you don't already have an army of beta-bunnies on call, if you want another beta I have lots and lots of free time on my hands and like to find typos ^^

::sends encouraging vibes::